I never thought it would happen. The day I stopped craving junk food. I mean I'm a girl, sometimes I want ice cream or chocolate, it's just how I'm wired (right ladies?). But the want of a super greasy hamburger disgusts me now, if I want a cheeseburger (which I often do-it's my weird craving) I make it myself instead of running down to Wendy's. It's easier to say no to the soda since I now drink carbonated flavored water when I want the carbonation and the caffeine headaches have subsided too.
This whole "get healthy" journey has certainly not been the easiest and I do admit to cheating every once in a while, however, I am getting better. I do need to get back on the exercise bandwagon though. I still do my little exercises when brushing my teeth or standing in my checkstand, but I know it's not enough. Luckily the on-campus gym is FREE so I can still feed my urge to run when the snow starts to fall in the next month or so (kill me now). By next summer I do plan on being bikini ready, or at least feel as confident as i used to in my own skin/clothes. And, the new goal is to look better for next year's Utah Undie Run. The tank top came off this year when it should have stayed on (in my opinion anyways). I'd rather do this for me though. To look that good will help me feel that good and it's something that's been a long time coming for me. I just need the motivation again to do it.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
And so it begins
As the first week of classes come to an end, I've been thinking a lot about where I'm at, about the opportunity I'm getting to prove myself. And I'm realizing just how far I've really come and how far I still have to go. But it doesn't scare me like it used to.
Junior. All week people have been asking what year I am, you know the whole awkward question game you all play to "get to know your neighbors", and every time I say it it seems less and less real. But it is real. It's crazy for me to think that just a few years ago I was a junior for the first time, only it was in high school and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and I was only a year away from graduating. And then I found it. By accident, I came across something that I would have so much passion for, even now I get goosebumps thinking about it. It's crazy to me that things can just fall into place right when you need them to, even though you aren't expecting the outcome at all, at least I wasn't. I never thought that I would find passion in Interior Design, or passion for anything in high school for that matter. I always got good grades, but it wasn't really because I wanted to, it was more because I had to. I was one of those students that had the mind set of "I'm here because I have to be, do the work and get through it, it's only four years", so that's what I did. I did the work, I got through it. The only class I ever wanted to go to was my fourth period because I actually enjoyed the work and paid attention. Yeah I had great teachers for my other classes that were awesome and hilarious, but nothing was better than ending the day with my favorite class.
Once I got to college I kind of just expected the classes to be like my high school ones and I was definitely pleasantly surprised to find out different. My first two years of college I did what I loved to do every day I was in class. I learned about things I had actual interest for and I found more and more passion for it with each semester. As stressful as it was for me last year, I definitely would not trade it for the world. The end results of any project are always the best and the feeling is indescribable for me, there just aren't words for me to express it.
Now it's my junior year in college. It's also my first year with no design classes since my junior year in high school. It's kind of weird to be honest, it sort of feels like high school, the "i have to do it" kind of feeling. I'm not as excited for school, at least the classes I'm taking. I am, however, extremely excited for what I'm doing on the side. There's going to be some projects in the works by me, and, even though it's only the fourth day of school, I've already got ideas in my head and I'm ready to jump on them now instead of in a few weeks or something like that.
It's my time to prove myself again. I know it sounds vague, but it's supposed to. I know what I'm doing, even if very few others are aware of it. I get a chance that very few ever get in life. A second chance. It's happening now and it begins today.
Junior year? Bring. It. On.
Junior. All week people have been asking what year I am, you know the whole awkward question game you all play to "get to know your neighbors", and every time I say it it seems less and less real. But it is real. It's crazy for me to think that just a few years ago I was a junior for the first time, only it was in high school and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and I was only a year away from graduating. And then I found it. By accident, I came across something that I would have so much passion for, even now I get goosebumps thinking about it. It's crazy to me that things can just fall into place right when you need them to, even though you aren't expecting the outcome at all, at least I wasn't. I never thought that I would find passion in Interior Design, or passion for anything in high school for that matter. I always got good grades, but it wasn't really because I wanted to, it was more because I had to. I was one of those students that had the mind set of "I'm here because I have to be, do the work and get through it, it's only four years", so that's what I did. I did the work, I got through it. The only class I ever wanted to go to was my fourth period because I actually enjoyed the work and paid attention. Yeah I had great teachers for my other classes that were awesome and hilarious, but nothing was better than ending the day with my favorite class.
Once I got to college I kind of just expected the classes to be like my high school ones and I was definitely pleasantly surprised to find out different. My first two years of college I did what I loved to do every day I was in class. I learned about things I had actual interest for and I found more and more passion for it with each semester. As stressful as it was for me last year, I definitely would not trade it for the world. The end results of any project are always the best and the feeling is indescribable for me, there just aren't words for me to express it.
Now it's my junior year in college. It's also my first year with no design classes since my junior year in high school. It's kind of weird to be honest, it sort of feels like high school, the "i have to do it" kind of feeling. I'm not as excited for school, at least the classes I'm taking. I am, however, extremely excited for what I'm doing on the side. There's going to be some projects in the works by me, and, even though it's only the fourth day of school, I've already got ideas in my head and I'm ready to jump on them now instead of in a few weeks or something like that.
It's my time to prove myself again. I know it sounds vague, but it's supposed to. I know what I'm doing, even if very few others are aware of it. I get a chance that very few ever get in life. A second chance. It's happening now and it begins today.
Junior year? Bring. It. On.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Plateau
It's been a minute kids. Since I posted my last photo from day 1 to day 12 I haven't really changed much. I know the reasoning. I've been eating healthy and that has helped me so much! For one, there has been a little more weight loss and for two I feel a whole lot better about myself. That being said, work has had me crazy busy and super tired, but I have gotten in a little exercise, however not nearly as much as I would like.
I have two jobs (I'm a lifeguard and a cashier), and while I'm at work I do small exercises that no one can really tell I'm doing. For instance, as a lifeguard, when we rotate I walk on my toes for toning exercises. When I'm in the chair I do core breathing and bum squeezes (don't judge, I see a difference). Finally, when I'm in the catch pool, I do water aerobics. Our rotations are about 15 minutes and I usually get about 10 minutes worth in. Even though it's not full force because I still have to pay attention, it's better than nothing.
As a cashier I'm stuck in a check stand all day, however I'm also getting my upper body in a little bit when I scan things. For my legs I do calf raises when I don't have customers and sometimes I do wall sits on the check stand behind me too, all while doing my core breathing. It's not much, but it's still better than nothing.
I haven't been able to go to water aerobics as much, but I am going tomorrow if any of you readers would like to join me! It starts at 9:45pm and goes until 10:45pm and it's actually really fun! I'm going to try and get the giant to come tomorrow too. Wish me luck!
I have two jobs (I'm a lifeguard and a cashier), and while I'm at work I do small exercises that no one can really tell I'm doing. For instance, as a lifeguard, when we rotate I walk on my toes for toning exercises. When I'm in the chair I do core breathing and bum squeezes (don't judge, I see a difference). Finally, when I'm in the catch pool, I do water aerobics. Our rotations are about 15 minutes and I usually get about 10 minutes worth in. Even though it's not full force because I still have to pay attention, it's better than nothing.
As a cashier I'm stuck in a check stand all day, however I'm also getting my upper body in a little bit when I scan things. For my legs I do calf raises when I don't have customers and sometimes I do wall sits on the check stand behind me too, all while doing my core breathing. It's not much, but it's still better than nothing.
I haven't been able to go to water aerobics as much, but I am going tomorrow if any of you readers would like to join me! It starts at 9:45pm and goes until 10:45pm and it's actually really fun! I'm going to try and get the giant to come tomorrow too. Wish me luck!
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Proud
I was going to wait to post another progress picture until a month had been up....but I'm a little bit proud of this :) It's only been 12 days and here is a comparison from day one (still, no judging)
Can anyone else tell a difference or am I just crazy?
Today started with a two mile run followed by 20 pushups, 40 side kicks (20/side), and 35 mason twists. Gotta get those arms and obliques in! I'm also really starting to LOVE water aerobics! I've only been three times but i think it's amazing!
I'm also very proud of Kami King. She has decided to lose weight with me and after 12 days she is down 12.5 lbs! I'd say that's an accomplishment if there ever was one!
Today started with a two mile run followed by 20 pushups, 40 side kicks (20/side), and 35 mason twists. Gotta get those arms and obliques in! I'm also really starting to LOVE water aerobics! I've only been three times but i think it's amazing!
I'm also very proud of Kami King. She has decided to lose weight with me and after 12 days she is down 12.5 lbs! I'd say that's an accomplishment if there ever was one!
Monday, July 23, 2012
2 down 28 to go.....
Alright kids, it's been a week and a day and I'm pretty proud of myself I must say so! I completed the ab workout and kept up my cardio, I even through in some additional cardio. I've also been eating healthy (admittedly I did cheat a day a little...ok a lot! But c'mon, it's only been a week, have faith right?) and feeling a lot better! I was down on myself for a day because, even though I know it doesn't work like that in my heart of hearts, I expected almost imidiate results. Then I remembered this:
It takes 4 weeks for you to see your body changing.
It takes 8 weeks for your friends and family, and it takes 12 weeks for the rest of the world.
It's not going to be easy, but I can honestly say I am already seeing and feeling the difference. Maybe that's in my head and maybe it's not, I'm choosing to say that it's not.
Today I began with a 9am run resulting in 2 miles done in 20 minutes, 7 minutes faster than last week. I went to work where I snacked on a Luna bar, cottage cheese, an apple, celery, and a bell pepper. After all that I went to donate plasma and make some more moneys (anything helps right?), that's when I saw results.
I'm not going to state my starting weight until I'm down 10 lbs from where I was, but that's only 6 lbs away from where I'm at now and I'm feeling pretty damn good about it! Why? Because I'm doing something about what I have the ability to change, I'm taking control and it's actually paying off.
I have now just finished a delicious dinner of baked chicken seasoned with lemon pepper, boiled asparagus, and salad topped with cottage cheese instead of ranch and man I am stuffed! And it wasn't even that many calories! (I'm also watching my intake to see where I take in the most from using My Fitness Pal-love that app!)
Now, it is going to be off to water aerobics for an hour of extra cardio!
P.s.
Any of you Logan people wanting to join me in water aerobics can! It is $2 per time or $20 for a punch pass I do believe, but if you want I can find out those prices for sure (the $20 one is definite but the $2 could be $3 and I could not be remembering right).
Be happy, be healthy!
It takes 4 weeks for you to see your body changing.
It takes 8 weeks for your friends and family, and it takes 12 weeks for the rest of the world.
It's not going to be easy, but I can honestly say I am already seeing and feeling the difference. Maybe that's in my head and maybe it's not, I'm choosing to say that it's not.
Today I began with a 9am run resulting in 2 miles done in 20 minutes, 7 minutes faster than last week. I went to work where I snacked on a Luna bar, cottage cheese, an apple, celery, and a bell pepper. After all that I went to donate plasma and make some more moneys (anything helps right?), that's when I saw results.
I'm not going to state my starting weight until I'm down 10 lbs from where I was, but that's only 6 lbs away from where I'm at now and I'm feeling pretty damn good about it! Why? Because I'm doing something about what I have the ability to change, I'm taking control and it's actually paying off.
I have now just finished a delicious dinner of baked chicken seasoned with lemon pepper, boiled asparagus, and salad topped with cottage cheese instead of ranch and man I am stuffed! And it wasn't even that many calories! (I'm also watching my intake to see where I take in the most from using My Fitness Pal-love that app!)
Now, it is going to be off to water aerobics for an hour of extra cardio!
P.s.
Any of you Logan people wanting to join me in water aerobics can! It is $2 per time or $20 for a punch pass I do believe, but if you want I can find out those prices for sure (the $20 one is definite but the $2 could be $3 and I could not be remembering right).
Be happy, be healthy!
Friday, July 20, 2012
Still going..
I figured a post every day would get obnoxious, so I waited. I'm still doing the ab workout (on day 6 now) and it is still kicking my trash! Eating healthy is super easy though! It's also made me feel a lot less hungry even though I'm definitely still craving that cheese burger.
I did water aerobics on Tuesday night with some of the other guards from the LAC where I work and holy cow that was a workout! I never realized how incredibly good it is until I actually did it! It doesn't make you sore either which is soooo good and it also relived some of the soreness in my legs from my previous two cardio workouts. It has been decided that whenever I work the night shift at the LAC I am staying for water aerobics. Any of you Loganers want to join in you are more than welcome to do so.
Wednesday was a rest day and also a day off from both my jobs, so I headed down to SLC went to the zoo, then off to City Creek, dinner at The Cheesecake Factory (not as fattening as I'd imagined, minus the cheesecake haha, that killed me!), and then to the Gateway. Definitely got my cardio in walking that day! Adding to the cardio, I pushed my belly button to my spine to work my abs for most of the day too, except after dinner. After dinner I was to full with deliciousness to care. It was a good day though :) Tuesday nights ab exercise is said to burn fat for up to 24 hours so I didn't feel to bad about indulging in the cheesecake :)
Today I go back to the 8 minute ab workout, we'll see if I kick it's trash or it kicks mine. My bet is on it. I'm also heading to plasma today, so we'll see if the weight has dropped any....fingers crossed.
I did water aerobics on Tuesday night with some of the other guards from the LAC where I work and holy cow that was a workout! I never realized how incredibly good it is until I actually did it! It doesn't make you sore either which is soooo good and it also relived some of the soreness in my legs from my previous two cardio workouts. It has been decided that whenever I work the night shift at the LAC I am staying for water aerobics. Any of you Loganers want to join in you are more than welcome to do so.
Wednesday was a rest day and also a day off from both my jobs, so I headed down to SLC went to the zoo, then off to City Creek, dinner at The Cheesecake Factory (not as fattening as I'd imagined, minus the cheesecake haha, that killed me!), and then to the Gateway. Definitely got my cardio in walking that day! Adding to the cardio, I pushed my belly button to my spine to work my abs for most of the day too, except after dinner. After dinner I was to full with deliciousness to care. It was a good day though :) Tuesday nights ab exercise is said to burn fat for up to 24 hours so I didn't feel to bad about indulging in the cheesecake :)
Today I go back to the 8 minute ab workout, we'll see if I kick it's trash or it kicks mine. My bet is on it. I'm also heading to plasma today, so we'll see if the weight has dropped any....fingers crossed.
Monday, July 16, 2012
The pain is good...right?
Oy. I did not realize how much my abs really got worked yesterday until I started the 8 minute ab workout (you can find the video on youtube) for today. Not as intense, but still intense. After that was done, i grabbed hold of my iTouch and went to my Nike Training app, I recommend this, it's free. With each workout you complete you can unlock new ones. Talk about motivation right? Today I did the 15 minute Cardio Burst and boy was it really a burst! I guess it's not working unless you feel it haha.
I ate pretty healthy too. Fruits, a sandwhich, a salad, and cottage cheese all downed with my handy dandy water. Not so easy when all I wanted today was a freaking cheeseburger, but I withheld. Regrettably..
I ate pretty healthy too. Fruits, a sandwhich, a salad, and cottage cheese all downed with my handy dandy water. Not so easy when all I wanted today was a freaking cheeseburger, but I withheld. Regrettably..
Sunday, July 15, 2012
To get to the top of the hill, you have to climb it.
Now I realize that these first few pictures are not going to be the prettiest sights in the world. I am fully aware of how I look in what I am wearing, and no, I am not proud of it. That's why I want to do this. I want to show my progress to people (mostly women) like me that want to get fit and get toned but don't think they can do it. I want to show that it can be done but it's not an over night thing (obviously). So here it goes....You can scroll past if you want to (preferred), but please no negative comments on how I appear at this moment in time. I need positive. Thank you.
Also, please ignore the tan lines, oh the life of a lifeguard.
After working both of my jobs, I came home to my blazing hot apartment and changed into my shorts and t-shirt while I waited for my roommate to get home to start our 7-day Ab challenge. Boy, let me tell you, it is going to be a challenge!!! Here is the link if you would like to join me in this week long excursion:
http://skinnyms.com/7-day-ab-challenge/
It's intense. Anyways, we started on Sunday (obviously) and our workout consisted of this:
Bicycle Crunch – 50 reps (25 each side)
Reverse Crunch – 50 reps
Mason Twist – 50 reps (25 each side)
Leg Lifts – 25 reps
Push Through – 25 reps
I promise you will want to DIE! However, doing all of that made us want to run, so we ran! I was faster than she was simply because I'm a runner and I love how I feel when I run. Point being, we did 2 miles, my time being 25:20. Not bad for having walked a little of it due to side cramps I should say dear Watson. After that I did 20 donkey kicks and 20 knee to elbow touches (for the obliques, I want curves, not a box) and finished off with a cold shower (remember how my apartment is boiling? Working out that much in it doesn't help any, but I guess sweat is fat crying right?).
Now onto day 2 tomorrow...oy. I do plan on doing this 7-day workout about every other week to build my endurance, but I don't need the abs. I have the abs. They're just hidden under my layer(s) of what I call "gross". So if any of you readers out there (and I hope there are some) I ask you to leave comments of what has worked for you to get rid of that "gross", be it exercise or dieting with specific foods and things like that. Any and all of you are also welcome to join me, you can message me here in a comment or an inbox (if possible), or if you have me on Facebook, message me, and texts work too (I won't be posting my number for creeper reasons).
Again, sorry for the pictures,I won't post every week (maybe biweekly or monthly), I know they're not pretty...yet.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
It's all in the cards
Life is a little bit like cards. Sometimes you're dealt a really good hand and you can keep it going for a while. Other times you have to fold almost instantly. It's a game. A game that you have to learn your way around to be able to make it through. Everyone is given a good hand, and to balance it out, they are also given a really crappy hand. But somehow, even if you have to fold once or twice, it is possible to make it through.
A good hand may be a promotion at work or getting a scholarship or something along those lines. A bad hand could be a death of someone you knew, not getting the job you were holding out for, or something harder. However, there is a hand I haven't mentioned yet.
An "okay" hand.
An "okay" hand can go one of two ways. You can either fold and give up, or you can make it work and end up on top when the odds could be against you. Every single person will be dealt way more "okay" hands in their life than they will be dealt good or bad hands. It's what they do with all of the "okay" hands that matter.
We are given trials to see how we will react to them, what kind of person they will make us. Sometimes it's just to hard and you have to fold, take a step back, and acquire a new strategy. Most of the time you don't. Being able to see the potential outcome in a difficult situation and devising a plan to get there is one step, making it happen is another. "Where there's a will there's a way" is completely true. You can do it, IF you want to.
Here is one example of an "okay" hand:
At the age of 44 (and not a grey hair on his head) my dad got into a road bike accident that landed him not only in the hospital, but with a broken hip, surgery, 3 screws, and a very long time on crutches. The doctor told him to expect a long recovery, and boy did he expect that. He was worried he would never be able to bike like he did before the accident, that he couldn't keep up with everyone else on the road, and that he could never do his races again, a few of which came up right after the accident. But here's the best part of the story. At the age of 44, after a few very long months on crutches, he ditched them. My dad got on his bike yesterday morning with my sister following and road the slowest 8 miles he has ever ridden. Although it was slow, he did it, and that's the point. It won't be an over night recovery and he knows that, but getting back on that back and riding again was the first step in getting back to where he used to be, even if it's not quite the same as it was before. He's doing it because he wants to. He could have given up and said he was done riding for good, but he didn't, and I know he won't.
At the age of 44 (and not a grey hair on his head) my dad got into a road bike accident that landed him not only in the hospital, but with a broken hip, surgery, 3 screws, and a very long time on crutches. The doctor told him to expect a long recovery, and boy did he expect that. He was worried he would never be able to bike like he did before the accident, that he couldn't keep up with everyone else on the road, and that he could never do his races again, a few of which came up right after the accident. But here's the best part of the story. At the age of 44, after a few very long months on crutches, he ditched them. My dad got on his bike yesterday morning with my sister following and road the slowest 8 miles he has ever ridden. Although it was slow, he did it, and that's the point. It won't be an over night recovery and he knows that, but getting back on that back and riding again was the first step in getting back to where he used to be, even if it's not quite the same as it was before. He's doing it because he wants to. He could have given up and said he was done riding for good, but he didn't, and I know he won't.
Think about the "okay" hand you are playing in your life right at this very moment. Now think of the possible outcomes. What's your next move? Do you want to give up and say you're done, or do you want to keep going like my dad?
Just because you're not where you want to be now, doesn't mean you won't come out on top.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Opportunity
It sucks. A lot. To have something I worked so hard for be "taken" away from me so quickly is hard. I'll admit that there were tears and doubts of my talent, it's a blow to the ego and that's inevitable.
But don't feel bad for me. I'm a fighter. I'm not giving up. My life has been flipped upside down in a way I wasn't entirely prepared for, but maybe that's the point. Maybe I wasn't supposed to be prepared for it. I know that I didn't make the cut because I'm a bad designer or because I didn't want it bad enough. That's not why. I know the reason why and it's on my shoulders, no one else's.
I'm a good designer. I know my stuff. I think outside the box. I see things from a new angle. Utah State's ID program has not seen the last of me and they won't see the last of me until I graduate with my degree. I'm a fighter and I am going to fight for my career because there is nothing that can make me happier than design and there is nothing else that I am more passionate for, even if it means starting over as a freshman in the program.
This is not a failure. This is an opportunity. An opportunity for me to try again. To better myself as a designer and to bring a bigger, better game to the table. I won't give up. It's not in my blood to give up and those of you that know me well know that.
Tell me I can't and I'll show you I can. I'm lucky to be able to have even a chance to go through it again and be ahead in so many ways because of the things I have already learned. I get a second chance. I will start over, if not at USU then somewhere else. Hopefully I get the chance to reapply at USU and go through the program again with professors that have taught me so much, but if that's not the case I'm not giving up.
I know what I can do, I know who I am, and I know that I can do this. It sucks now and it's not okay now, but it will be. If it's not okay it's not the end.
This is my opportunity to step it up, and you better believe I will.
Congratulations to both freshmen and sophomores that made their cuts, you will be great and I wish you luck. To those that didn't I wish you luck and hope you find something that makes you just as happy (even if it's not design) and that you don't give up on what you truly want.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
It could be worse
WARNING: THERE IS SOME LANGUAGE THAT IS NOT APPROVED BY ALL. IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY LANGUAGE YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ THIS.
This one's for my sister. She has had a pretty bad rash all over for quite sometime now and it hasn't been fun. It's been itchy and doesn't look the best either. Today she found out what it is. It's called Psoriasis. I won't put a picture up, but if you want to search it you can. Basically it causes her body to make skin faster than it can get rid of it, apparently it's pretty common and doesn't show because of clothing that is able to cover it (obviously, it's clothes). However, even though no one can see it, that doesn't mean it's not there. It's something that can be possibly be reduced by medications and things like that, but it's there for life.
Today I got to listen to my sister talk to me about the way it makes her feel, and, if you have already searched it, you can understand that it wouldn't be the greatest feeling in the world. But that doesn't matter in this case, because I know my sister. She doesn't take shit from anyone and she's not about to take it from some skin disease either. It doesn't matter how she looks because she is who she's always been. She's dealt with worse things and this won't be the last one either. It's just one more thing that is added to the list.
Everyone struggles with things. But it could be worse. In this case, Sarah had a biopsy done. It was being tested for cancer. It's not cancer. It's not worse. It won't kill her. It just looks gross.
For everyone struggling with something, always remember that IT COULD BE WORSE. Yes, I know that it is not always the case, some people are going through some pretty life changing things right now and my heart goes out to them too. But those aren't the kinds of things I'm talking about. I'm talking about the people that are struggling with school or a low paying job or being sick for a while or struggling with finances, things like that. It could be worse. You could not be able to afford school, or not have a job, or be in the hospital, or not have enough money to afford to eat.
Life is to short not to look on the bright side. This one is for my sister:
You are beautiful. It doesn't matter what's on your skin or what anyone else thinks of it. You know it doesn't look good and that no one else thinks it looks good either, but that doesn't matter. You are who you are. You are Sarah. You are my sister. You are strong and I know you can deal with this. Don't let anyone tell you it's ugly because guess what? It's on your body and your body is you and YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
End of story.
This picture is for my sister and for anyone else who thinks that one little thing makes them un-beautiful. Don't believe it.
This one's for my sister. She has had a pretty bad rash all over for quite sometime now and it hasn't been fun. It's been itchy and doesn't look the best either. Today she found out what it is. It's called Psoriasis. I won't put a picture up, but if you want to search it you can. Basically it causes her body to make skin faster than it can get rid of it, apparently it's pretty common and doesn't show because of clothing that is able to cover it (obviously, it's clothes). However, even though no one can see it, that doesn't mean it's not there. It's something that can be possibly be reduced by medications and things like that, but it's there for life.
Today I got to listen to my sister talk to me about the way it makes her feel, and, if you have already searched it, you can understand that it wouldn't be the greatest feeling in the world. But that doesn't matter in this case, because I know my sister. She doesn't take shit from anyone and she's not about to take it from some skin disease either. It doesn't matter how she looks because she is who she's always been. She's dealt with worse things and this won't be the last one either. It's just one more thing that is added to the list.
Everyone struggles with things. But it could be worse. In this case, Sarah had a biopsy done. It was being tested for cancer. It's not cancer. It's not worse. It won't kill her. It just looks gross.
For everyone struggling with something, always remember that IT COULD BE WORSE. Yes, I know that it is not always the case, some people are going through some pretty life changing things right now and my heart goes out to them too. But those aren't the kinds of things I'm talking about. I'm talking about the people that are struggling with school or a low paying job or being sick for a while or struggling with finances, things like that. It could be worse. You could not be able to afford school, or not have a job, or be in the hospital, or not have enough money to afford to eat.
Life is to short not to look on the bright side. This one is for my sister:
You are beautiful. It doesn't matter what's on your skin or what anyone else thinks of it. You know it doesn't look good and that no one else thinks it looks good either, but that doesn't matter. You are who you are. You are Sarah. You are my sister. You are strong and I know you can deal with this. Don't let anyone tell you it's ugly because guess what? It's on your body and your body is you and YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
End of story.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Starting over
Congratations, you've made it to the year the world is (supposedly) going to end in. Now what? Well, as with every year, it's followed by a new one. 2012 is our new year. You can do what you please with it. You stay the same, keep hanging around with the same people doing the same things for who knows how long, OR, you could make a change and make a difference. Meet new people, try new things, change your life and the lives of others. I know, I know, this is nothing you haven't heard before, but wouldn't it be cool if this year you actually did something with this advice?
I have never really made an effort to make, or keep for that matter, any new years resolutions in my life, but this year I've made a few. Now some of you are going to read this and laugh or say I won't keep them, others may be inspired. To those that are in the first group, I have this to say to you:
Tell me I can't, and I'll be determined to prove you wrong.
These are my resolutions- I realize they are generic and that's fine, these aren't for anyone but myself.
1. Get fit. Now I'm aware that I'm already a small person both in height and in width, while I am aiming to shed a few pounds (believe it or not I have a few that could be donated to, oh, say Lindsay Lohan or Kate Middleton), I'm also aiming for more than that. While I don't hate the way I look underneath the clothes I wear, I don't particularly love it either. I want to be toned. You know those girls you see at the pool or the beach you wish you had but "don't have the time" to achieve? I'm making the time and, hipefully by summer, I'll be that girl with the body you're envying instead of envying it with you. Say hello to dedication and 6 am workouts baby!
2. No more soda. This isn't as hard as I anticipated. I'm giving it up to aide in the above goal, and, thanks to my sister, I've been doing pretty good. The goal is to drink at least 64 oz a day, I've been drinking well beyond that. My twin got me a 24 oz reusable plastic cup and it is put to incredible use! To put it in perspective, during my 6 hour shift at work today, I drank at least 6 full 24oz, adding the one I had before work and the two after work? I'd say I met my daily amount.
3. Get out more. I'm very busy with school and work, last year I barely had a social life at all! If someone wanted to find me all they had to do was follow my laptop cord to the studio and they'd find me working away. It didn't leave much time with friends. My goal is to find a happy balance with all 3 and do more things outside of watching a movie when I have a minute, life is to short not to enjoy it at least a little, right?
4. Meet new people. This ones self explanatory. Since high school I lost quite a few friends due to one or both parties not staying in touch,and that's fine since I've also gained a few, but one can never have to many.
5. Be positive. Generally I try to do this anyways, but sometimes it's hard, especially for me. I don't have the highest self esteem some days and I tend to tear myself down quite a bit, but how will I get anywhere if I can't see the good in me? 2012 is now my year to shine in someway somehow. Maybe not to anyone else, but definitely to myself.
6. Make a difference. I'm not sure when or how yet or if it will be for someone, but I will make a difference this year. Be it to a person, a community, or someoone/thing else, it's going to happen with a smile in my face for all to see.
Will you start over and do something worthwhile this year, or will you stay the same?
The choice is yours to make, better hurry, the world could be ending soon.
I have never really made an effort to make, or keep for that matter, any new years resolutions in my life, but this year I've made a few. Now some of you are going to read this and laugh or say I won't keep them, others may be inspired. To those that are in the first group, I have this to say to you:
Tell me I can't, and I'll be determined to prove you wrong.
These are my resolutions- I realize they are generic and that's fine, these aren't for anyone but myself.
1. Get fit. Now I'm aware that I'm already a small person both in height and in width, while I am aiming to shed a few pounds (believe it or not I have a few that could be donated to, oh, say Lindsay Lohan or Kate Middleton), I'm also aiming for more than that. While I don't hate the way I look underneath the clothes I wear, I don't particularly love it either. I want to be toned. You know those girls you see at the pool or the beach you wish you had but "don't have the time" to achieve? I'm making the time and, hipefully by summer, I'll be that girl with the body you're envying instead of envying it with you. Say hello to dedication and 6 am workouts baby!
2. No more soda. This isn't as hard as I anticipated. I'm giving it up to aide in the above goal, and, thanks to my sister, I've been doing pretty good. The goal is to drink at least 64 oz a day, I've been drinking well beyond that. My twin got me a 24 oz reusable plastic cup and it is put to incredible use! To put it in perspective, during my 6 hour shift at work today, I drank at least 6 full 24oz, adding the one I had before work and the two after work? I'd say I met my daily amount.
3. Get out more. I'm very busy with school and work, last year I barely had a social life at all! If someone wanted to find me all they had to do was follow my laptop cord to the studio and they'd find me working away. It didn't leave much time with friends. My goal is to find a happy balance with all 3 and do more things outside of watching a movie when I have a minute, life is to short not to enjoy it at least a little, right?
4. Meet new people. This ones self explanatory. Since high school I lost quite a few friends due to one or both parties not staying in touch,and that's fine since I've also gained a few, but one can never have to many.
5. Be positive. Generally I try to do this anyways, but sometimes it's hard, especially for me. I don't have the highest self esteem some days and I tend to tear myself down quite a bit, but how will I get anywhere if I can't see the good in me? 2012 is now my year to shine in someway somehow. Maybe not to anyone else, but definitely to myself.
6. Make a difference. I'm not sure when or how yet or if it will be for someone, but I will make a difference this year. Be it to a person, a community, or someoone/thing else, it's going to happen with a smile in my face for all to see.
Will you start over and do something worthwhile this year, or will you stay the same?
The choice is yours to make, better hurry, the world could be ending soon.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Somewhere else
Do you ever feel that way? Nothing else can explain how you feel or why you feel that way except that four letter word. Lost. You don't know exactly where you are or where you're going. That's kind of how I feel right now.
I'm in a really big part of my life and good things are happening for me, but I still feel lost. Like I don't quite fit in anywhere in this state, don't belong is more the term. I never felt I have belonged here, not with who I am, how I dress, the way I do things, or any of that. I always say "I'm to big for this place" and I fully believe that 110% plus some. Sometimes that's just how it is.
I don't dream of staying close to my parents or other family members, as much as I might love and care for them that's not my place. I dream of the city. Sirens blaring, people constantly moving, all of the commotion, taking the subway, looking down from a small apartment on to a place that doesn't ever stop moving. That's where I really want to be.
Sometimes, I think it's time I take a drive, take off the rear view mirror, and never look back.
That sounds pretty good right about now. Who's with me?
I'm in a really big part of my life and good things are happening for me, but I still feel lost. Like I don't quite fit in anywhere in this state, don't belong is more the term. I never felt I have belonged here, not with who I am, how I dress, the way I do things, or any of that. I always say "I'm to big for this place" and I fully believe that 110% plus some. Sometimes that's just how it is.
I don't dream of staying close to my parents or other family members, as much as I might love and care for them that's not my place. I dream of the city. Sirens blaring, people constantly moving, all of the commotion, taking the subway, looking down from a small apartment on to a place that doesn't ever stop moving. That's where I really want to be.
Sometimes, I think it's time I take a drive, take off the rear view mirror, and never look back.
That sounds pretty good right about now. Who's with me?
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Forever in our hearts
We have had her for just about as long as she's been alive, a little over half of my life. That is one basset hound that has never been hunting a day in her life, and if our house were to get robbed or broken into, she would just wag her tail and lick them to death. Anyone and everyone that came over was there to see her, no matter who they were, they were there for her. For the longest time after we got her, mine was the only bed that she would sleep on and the only room she would sleep in-which was fine with me since I'd always wanted that to happen, a dog to sleep at the foot of my bed.
If dogs could talk, I'm sure she would have the best stories to tell. I know I have some of her. She had a stomach of steel, and that's no exaggeration. Nothing made her sick, from chocolate (with the wrappers) to plastic humming bird feeders, if she could chew it she could eat it. She was always so playful too. My sister and I never told our parents this, but, when they were gone running errands or off to somewhere we didn't want to go, we would stay at home and rial that dog up until she was bouncing off the walls, then we would have her chase us around the house for a minute before running in my parents room, jumping onto their bed, and hiding under the covers waiting for Freckles to come and jump up right after us and start gnawing on our feet through the blanket. I think that was probably the best thing we ever did when our parents were away.
She's older than in that picture above now. Her face has turned grey, she's gained weight and lost a lot of it in the past week. She was the best puppy doggy I could have ever asked for and, even though she drove dad nuts, she will be greatly missed in all of our hearts.
I love you puppy doggy, thank you for letting us be your family for 11 years, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I hope you enjoy your sunny spot in the back yard baby girl, you'll always be a puppy to me.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Constantly changing
Sometimes, people grow apart. It's not planned, it just happens. Friendships, relationships, siblings, families, it happens. It's not always the best thing to happen, but it does. And to be honest? It kind of sucks. I've lost many a good friend because of it. Relationships have fallen apart because of it-some for better and some not so much. I didn't plan on it to happen or necessarily want it to happen, it just did.
At some point or another, it will happen to all of us. We might not even realize it's happening but it is. Phone calls become shorter or less frequent, the texts become few and far between, and, eventually, we become a memory to each other. Somebody that we remember we had some good times with and not so good times with, but they were there, through everything. Then one day things change and life goes on, from time to time we think about each other and the way things were but things are just to different now. No longer part of each others every day lives, just a thought that comes and goes.
Next time you get that thought, think about it hard. Think about what you had and the laughs you shared, think about who was there when you were dealing with things they couldn't understand but they were there anyway. Take time to say hi to them no matter how long it's been.
To often things change. That's the way life is, constantly changing. Don't take what you have now for granted because in a short amount of time, those things and people you have could be gone.
Don't let them change to much without realizing it, or it might be to far and in between that you see or talk to someone that once meant a lot to you.
At some point or another, it will happen to all of us. We might not even realize it's happening but it is. Phone calls become shorter or less frequent, the texts become few and far between, and, eventually, we become a memory to each other. Somebody that we remember we had some good times with and not so good times with, but they were there, through everything. Then one day things change and life goes on, from time to time we think about each other and the way things were but things are just to different now. No longer part of each others every day lives, just a thought that comes and goes.
Next time you get that thought, think about it hard. Think about what you had and the laughs you shared, think about who was there when you were dealing with things they couldn't understand but they were there anyway. Take time to say hi to them no matter how long it's been.
To often things change. That's the way life is, constantly changing. Don't take what you have now for granted because in a short amount of time, those things and people you have could be gone.
Don't let them change to much without realizing it, or it might be to far and in between that you see or talk to someone that once meant a lot to you.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
What to say
So recently I was told that I don't blog enough but that the said person loves reading my blog (if you're reading this you know who you are *wink*). I would love to blog more but sometimes nothing extraordinary happens or I just have one of those eh days. BUT, on occasion, I do have something to say, as those of you who have read my other posts well know.
However, who actually reads this thing? I mean really, all it started out as was something to do because I got bored and felt the need to say what was in my head. Weird right? It really was never meant to be anything more but it kind of turned out that way. Isn't if funny how things work like that? You never plan on something happening but then, WHAM! It does.
I heard a quote once and it goes a little something like this:
"When you have a plan, God laughs."
It's completely true. If you make a plan, say a 5 year plan, something will always change in that plan and you know you're just going to have to work whatever that something is into what you already have planned. That's why I don't have a plan. I have a general direction in what way I want to be going with my life, but I know that if I put that direction into a specified plan, it will change whether I want it to or not. That's just the way life is.
However, who actually reads this thing? I mean really, all it started out as was something to do because I got bored and felt the need to say what was in my head. Weird right? It really was never meant to be anything more but it kind of turned out that way. Isn't if funny how things work like that? You never plan on something happening but then, WHAM! It does.
I heard a quote once and it goes a little something like this:
"When you have a plan, God laughs."
It's completely true. If you make a plan, say a 5 year plan, something will always change in that plan and you know you're just going to have to work whatever that something is into what you already have planned. That's why I don't have a plan. I have a general direction in what way I want to be going with my life, but I know that if I put that direction into a specified plan, it will change whether I want it to or not. That's just the way life is.
I'm happy with where I'm at now. I attend one of the best college's and I've been accepted into one of the best ID programs in the nation. My friends are great, my relationship with my parents and siblings has grown, and I have people in my life I know I can count on. Did I plan on any of this? No. Because, if I had, I wouldn't be where I'm at. I wouldn't know who I know and I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing.
That's what I have to say.
That's what I have to say.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Oh well, or what if?
Do one thing a day that scares you.
It's true, it is a very good concept to try. Almost everyone plays on the safe side so they don't get hurt, but where's the fun in that?
I was thinking about it the other day and I realized something. I have done a lot of stupid, scary, fun things in my life, and you know something? I don't regret a single one of them. I'm always up for new things to try, even if I'm not entirely sure I'd like it. Like sushi. I had sushi for the first time this summer. Why? Because I've always been grossed out by it and was positive I would never like it. Guess what? I am a major sushi fan.
I have that list of things I want to do in my life and I plan on doing all of them. Yes, some of them do scare me, but so what? I would rather have a story to tell than a thought to remind me what could have been. Isn't that why we have a life? To live it?
Our time here is limited. We might as well make the best of it. That's why I do crazy things, like dye my hair purple because I can. I wear what I want despite the looks I might get. Why can't I stand out when I'm not like anyone else anyway?
I'd rather have a life time of "oh well's" that come with a story than to think "what if" all the time and wonder how things could have been.
What would you rather have?
It's true, it is a very good concept to try. Almost everyone plays on the safe side so they don't get hurt, but where's the fun in that?
I was thinking about it the other day and I realized something. I have done a lot of stupid, scary, fun things in my life, and you know something? I don't regret a single one of them. I'm always up for new things to try, even if I'm not entirely sure I'd like it. Like sushi. I had sushi for the first time this summer. Why? Because I've always been grossed out by it and was positive I would never like it. Guess what? I am a major sushi fan.
I have that list of things I want to do in my life and I plan on doing all of them. Yes, some of them do scare me, but so what? I would rather have a story to tell than a thought to remind me what could have been. Isn't that why we have a life? To live it?
Our time here is limited. We might as well make the best of it. That's why I do crazy things, like dye my hair purple because I can. I wear what I want despite the looks I might get. Why can't I stand out when I'm not like anyone else anyway?
I'd rather have a life time of "oh well's" that come with a story than to think "what if" all the time and wonder how things could have been.
What would you rather have?
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Work for it.
Sometimes it get's really frustrating for me, life. A lot of people I know have had a really easy life, you know the ones, great families, amazing friends, good grades, almost everything they want the ask for and they get. Sometimes it's not fair, but what they say is true. Life's not fair. I know that one first hand.
I was getting really frustrated these past couple of days because my computer is refusing to download a program I need for two of my classes and I can't do a single thing without it. I was talking to someone about it and it hit me.
I'm really lucky.
I may not have the picture perfect family or the millions of good friends or anything like that of which I won't go into all the details of. But I truly am lucky. Why? Because everything I do have I have worked for. I've worked my butt off to be where I am today and to be who I am today.
I am in one of the nationally ranked Interior Design programs at a university that sets the bar really high up for it's students in this program. Yet I made the cut. I worked my butt off since my junior year of high school when I realized it's what I want to do with my life. However, not everyone sees it the way I do.
People hear "Interior Design" and think "Oh, so you pick paint and fluff pillows."
Those people? They're wrong. It's so much more than that. There's rules you have to know so you can break them, there is so much knowledge that goes into the profession that no one realizes even though it really is in their daily lives. They don't realize how much time is put into projects, the stress some people go through, the sleepless nights to meet the deadlines, sometimes there is even tear shed. But guess what? To me? Every single second is worth it.
I'm happy with what I do every second I'm doing it, and I'm good at it, I'm not being conceited, I'm being honest. I wouldn't be where I am after I've worked so hard to turn around and say I suck. No way. I'm good at what I do and I'm confident in it.
Why?
Because I know I got me here. Not mommy or daddy. Me. Everything that has happened for me to be here I did. I got the grades, I did the projects, I put in the time. I got through everyone telling me I can't and that it won't go anywhere and that it was a mistake for me to choose this path. I got past all of the harsh words thrown at me meant to hurt me and to change my mind. How? By deciding nothing was going to stand in my way.
I know what it's like to work for what you want or you need. I know how great it feels to finally get to that place.
I feel bad for the people that get everything handed to them.
They'll never know this satisfaction and happiness like I do.
I was getting really frustrated these past couple of days because my computer is refusing to download a program I need for two of my classes and I can't do a single thing without it. I was talking to someone about it and it hit me.
I'm really lucky.
I may not have the picture perfect family or the millions of good friends or anything like that of which I won't go into all the details of. But I truly am lucky. Why? Because everything I do have I have worked for. I've worked my butt off to be where I am today and to be who I am today.
I am in one of the nationally ranked Interior Design programs at a university that sets the bar really high up for it's students in this program. Yet I made the cut. I worked my butt off since my junior year of high school when I realized it's what I want to do with my life. However, not everyone sees it the way I do.
People hear "Interior Design" and think "Oh, so you pick paint and fluff pillows."
Those people? They're wrong. It's so much more than that. There's rules you have to know so you can break them, there is so much knowledge that goes into the profession that no one realizes even though it really is in their daily lives. They don't realize how much time is put into projects, the stress some people go through, the sleepless nights to meet the deadlines, sometimes there is even tear shed. But guess what? To me? Every single second is worth it.
I'm happy with what I do every second I'm doing it, and I'm good at it, I'm not being conceited, I'm being honest. I wouldn't be where I am after I've worked so hard to turn around and say I suck. No way. I'm good at what I do and I'm confident in it.
Why?
Because I know I got me here. Not mommy or daddy. Me. Everything that has happened for me to be here I did. I got the grades, I did the projects, I put in the time. I got through everyone telling me I can't and that it won't go anywhere and that it was a mistake for me to choose this path. I got past all of the harsh words thrown at me meant to hurt me and to change my mind. How? By deciding nothing was going to stand in my way.
I know what it's like to work for what you want or you need. I know how great it feels to finally get to that place.
I feel bad for the people that get everything handed to them.
They'll never know this satisfaction and happiness like I do.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
The little things
Life is to short to take things seriously.
Everyone always rushes through their days thinking, "I have to do this" or "I need to do that" or "There just isn't enough time". The problem with all of these statements is that there is no enjoyment in them. No one realizes all the little things that happen every day that can make your day.
I recently came across another blog, http://justlittlethings.net/, and it really made me realize how many little things I take for granted. I sat and read every single little thing posted on that blog and I laughed at many of them because they are so incredibly true, it simply took another person to point them out to me. If you get a chance I would recommend reading all of those little things that make you smile.
With all of the business and limited time we think we have in life, I have forgotten to enjoy my little things in my every days.
These are my little things of today, or rather yesterday (August 19):
1. Hitting every green light without anywhere important to go
2. Seeing friends that I haven't seen in a long time
3. The ability to call my sister whenever I need to or want to
4. Love, not the big one, the kind of love for best friends
5. Love, the big one
6. Getting hugs from siblings just because they missed you
7. Living where I do
8. Compliments on things that you think are ugly about yourself
9. Good morning texts
These are just the ones I could think of straight off the top of my head, but I'm sure if i thought hard enough I could think of many more.
Life is to short to take things seriously.
Enjoy your little things, you'll smile more.
That's a promise.
Everyone always rushes through their days thinking, "I have to do this" or "I need to do that" or "There just isn't enough time". The problem with all of these statements is that there is no enjoyment in them. No one realizes all the little things that happen every day that can make your day.
I recently came across another blog, http://justlittlethings.net/, and it really made me realize how many little things I take for granted. I sat and read every single little thing posted on that blog and I laughed at many of them because they are so incredibly true, it simply took another person to point them out to me. If you get a chance I would recommend reading all of those little things that make you smile.
With all of the business and limited time we think we have in life, I have forgotten to enjoy my little things in my every days.
These are my little things of today, or rather yesterday (August 19):
1. Hitting every green light without anywhere important to go
2. Seeing friends that I haven't seen in a long time
3. The ability to call my sister whenever I need to or want to
4. Love, not the big one, the kind of love for best friends
5. Love, the big one
6. Getting hugs from siblings just because they missed you
7. Living where I do
8. Compliments on things that you think are ugly about yourself
9. Good morning texts
These are just the ones I could think of straight off the top of my head, but I'm sure if i thought hard enough I could think of many more.
Life is to short to take things seriously.
Enjoy your little things, you'll smile more.
That's a promise.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Style is me
Today I made a quick trip to Layton with two of my roommates and it was fantastic. For once, I didn't work so I actually got to get ready today! I did my hair and make up, put in all 7 of my earrings, threw on a fantastic little day dress paired with purple tights and some fantastic black ankle boot heels. One of my favorite outfits if I do say so myself.
Yes, there is a point to what I was wearing.
After we made all of our shopping stops, we went and grabbed a bit to eat at Zuppa's (if you haven't already been, it's a must) before heading back to our little college town. While the other two were still ordering, I went to get a drink and got a comment on how cute my dress was. Well, this minute-making comment was followed by a day making comment.
The comment?
"You are the only person in this state that I have seen dress so cute."
Wow. I won't lie, my confidence was boosted.
I might live in Utah, but that doesn't change who I am. I am a very style oriented person, yet I do it for cheap. The dress from today? $12 at a small shop in Logan that I LOVE! The commenter is from San Francisco, CA (jealous) and I told her that I don't think I am meant to live in this state and that my hope is to one day end up in New York or some other fantastic city as such. Her reply? "You would do fine in the city, I can tell".
This girl, Ashleigh was her name, seriously made my day today. It might be something small, but I really am glad someone notices how I stand out, which I just LOVE to do as a matter of fact.
I don't think I was born to fit in but made to stand out, and I'm okay with that.
I conformed to the "Utah syle" for long enough, not wearing my heels the way I want to or dresses whenever I feel like it, and I'm done conforming. I have my style. It's who I am and part of what makes me me. That's what your life should be. YOURS. Don't let anyone else tell you who to be, how to act, what to say, or what to wear. make those decisions yourself.
I am.
Yes, there is a point to what I was wearing.
After we made all of our shopping stops, we went and grabbed a bit to eat at Zuppa's (if you haven't already been, it's a must) before heading back to our little college town. While the other two were still ordering, I went to get a drink and got a comment on how cute my dress was. Well, this minute-making comment was followed by a day making comment.
The comment?
"You are the only person in this state that I have seen dress so cute."
Wow. I won't lie, my confidence was boosted.
I might live in Utah, but that doesn't change who I am. I am a very style oriented person, yet I do it for cheap. The dress from today? $12 at a small shop in Logan that I LOVE! The commenter is from San Francisco, CA (jealous) and I told her that I don't think I am meant to live in this state and that my hope is to one day end up in New York or some other fantastic city as such. Her reply? "You would do fine in the city, I can tell".
This girl, Ashleigh was her name, seriously made my day today. It might be something small, but I really am glad someone notices how I stand out, which I just LOVE to do as a matter of fact.
I don't think I was born to fit in but made to stand out, and I'm okay with that.
I conformed to the "Utah syle" for long enough, not wearing my heels the way I want to or dresses whenever I feel like it, and I'm done conforming. I have my style. It's who I am and part of what makes me me. That's what your life should be. YOURS. Don't let anyone else tell you who to be, how to act, what to say, or what to wear. make those decisions yourself.
I am.
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