To get to the top of the hill, you have to climb it.

So basically I'm probably going to regret doing this, but I know that if I don't have some way to keep myself going, this whole "get fit" thing will never happen. I am about to become one of those women that post "before" , "after", and "progress" pictures of themselves online for people to see.
Now I realize that these first few pictures are not going to be the prettiest sights in the world. I am fully aware of how I look in what I am wearing, and no, I am not proud of it. That's why I want to do this. I want to show my progress to people (mostly women) like me that want to get fit and get toned but don't think they can do it. I want to show that it can be done but it's not an over night thing (obviously). So here it goes....You can scroll past if you want to (preferred), but please no negative comments on how I appear at this moment in time. I need positive. Thank you.
Also,  please ignore the tan lines, oh the life of a lifeguard.

 And there you have it friends. Not my proudest of pictures (even though it could be worse), but now it is out there and now I can officially say I have begun my transformation. I could just delete this and pretend it never happened but.....I won't. So here's to day 1. Completed.
After working both of my jobs, I came home to my blazing hot apartment and changed into my shorts and t-shirt while I waited for my roommate to get home to start our 7-day Ab challenge. Boy, let me tell you, it is going to be a challenge!!! Here is the link if you would like to join me in this week long excursion:

http://skinnyms.com/7-day-ab-challenge/

It's intense. Anyways, we started on Sunday (obviously) and our workout consisted of this:

SUNDAY- Complete 1 Circuit = 200 reps…move from one exercise to the next with little to no rest.
Bicycle Crunch – 50 reps (25 each side)
Reverse Crunch – 50 reps
Mason Twist – 50 reps (25 each side)
Leg Lifts – 25 reps
Push Through – 25 reps

I promise you will want to DIE! However, doing all of that made us want to run, so we ran! I was faster than she was simply because I'm a runner and I love how I feel when I run. Point being, we did 2 miles, my time being 25:20. Not bad for having walked a little of it due to side cramps I should say dear Watson. After that I did 20 donkey kicks and 20 knee to elbow touches (for the obliques, I want curves, not a box) and finished off with a cold shower (remember how my apartment is boiling? Working out that much in it doesn't help any, but I guess sweat is fat crying right?).
Now onto day 2 tomorrow...oy. I do plan on doing this 7-day workout about every other week to build my endurance, but I don't need the abs. I have the abs. They're just hidden under my layer(s) of what I call "gross". So if any of you readers out there (and I hope there are some) I ask you to leave comments of what has worked for you to get rid of that "gross", be it exercise or dieting with specific foods and things like that. Any and all of you are also welcome to join me, you can message me here in a comment or an inbox (if possible), or if you have me on Facebook, message me, and texts work too (I won't be posting my number for creeper reasons).
Again, sorry for the pictures,I won't post every week (maybe biweekly or monthly), I know they're not pretty...yet.

It's all in the cards

Life is a little bit like cards. Sometimes you're dealt a really good hand and you can keep it going for a while. Other times you have to fold almost instantly. It's a game. A game that you have to learn your way around to be able to make it through. Everyone is given a good hand, and to balance it out, they are also given a really crappy hand. But somehow, even if you have to fold once or twice, it is possible to make it through.

A good hand may be a promotion at work or getting a scholarship or something along those lines. A bad hand could be a death of someone you knew, not getting the job you were holding out for, or something harder. However, there is a hand I haven't mentioned yet.

An "okay" hand.

An "okay" hand can go one of two ways. You can either fold and give up, or you can make it work and end up on top when the odds could be against you. Every single person will be dealt way more "okay" hands in their life than they will be dealt good or bad hands. It's what they do with all of the "okay" hands that matter.

We are given trials to see how we will react to them, what kind of person they will make us. Sometimes it's just to hard and you have to fold, take a step back, and acquire a new strategy. Most of the time you don't. Being able to see the potential outcome in a difficult situation and devising a plan to get there is one step, making it happen is another. "Where there's a will there's a way" is completely true. You can do it, IF you want to. 

Here is one example of an "okay" hand:
At the age of 44 (and not a grey hair on his head) my dad got into a road bike accident that landed him not only in the hospital, but with a broken hip, surgery, 3 screws, and a very long time on crutches. The doctor told him to expect a long recovery, and boy did he expect that. He was worried he would never be able to bike like he did before the accident, that he couldn't keep up with everyone else on the road, and that he could never do his races again, a few of which came up right after the accident. But here's the best part of the story. At the age of 44, after a few very long months on crutches, he ditched them. My dad got on his bike yesterday morning with my sister following and road the slowest 8 miles he has ever ridden. Although it was slow, he did it, and that's the point. It won't be an over night recovery and he knows that, but getting back on that back and riding again was the first step in getting back to where he used to be, even if it's not quite the same as it was before. He's doing it because he wants to. He could have given up and said he was done riding for good, but he didn't, and I know he won't.

Think about the "okay" hand you are playing in your life right at this very moment. Now think of the possible outcomes. What's your next move? Do you want to give up and say you're done, or do you want to keep going like my dad? 

Just because you're not where you want to be now, doesn't mean you won't come out on top.

Opportunity

      Many of you know that I go to Utah State. You may also know that I am in the Interior Design program, however I guess I should say I WAS in the program...The way it works is you go through two reviews, a freshman and a sophomore. I made it into the 24 for my sophomore year, however I have been cut from the program going into my junior year of college.
      It sucks. A lot. To have something I worked so hard for be "taken" away from me so quickly is hard. I'll admit that there were tears and doubts of my talent, it's a blow to the ego and that's inevitable.
      But don't feel bad for me. I'm a fighter. I'm not giving up. My life has been flipped upside down in a way I wasn't entirely prepared for, but maybe that's the point. Maybe I wasn't supposed to be prepared for it. I know that I didn't make the cut because I'm a bad designer or because I didn't want it bad enough. That's not why. I know the reason why and it's on my shoulders, no one else's.
      I'm a good designer. I know my stuff. I think outside the box. I see things from a new angle. Utah State's ID program has not seen the last of me and they won't see the last of me until I graduate with my degree. I'm a fighter and I am going to fight for my career because there is nothing that can make me happier than design and there is nothing else that I am more passionate for, even if it means starting over as a freshman in the program.
      This is not a failure. This is an opportunity. An opportunity for me to try again. To better myself as a designer and to bring a bigger, better game to the table. I won't give up. It's not in my blood to give up and those of you that know me well know that.
      Tell me I can't and I'll show you I can. I'm lucky to be able to have even a chance to go through it again and be ahead in so many ways because of the things I have already learned. I get a second chance. I will start over, if not at USU then somewhere else. Hopefully I get the chance to reapply at USU and go through the program again with professors that have taught me so much, but if that's not the case I'm not giving up.
      I know what I can do, I know who I am, and I know that I can do this. It sucks now and it's not okay now, but it will be. If it's not okay it's not the end.
      This is my opportunity to step it up, and you better believe I will.

      Congratulations to both freshmen and sophomores that made their cuts, you will be great and I wish you luck. To those that didn't I wish you luck and hope you find something that makes you just as happy (even if it's not design) and that you don't give up on what you truly want.

It could be worse

WARNING: THERE IS SOME LANGUAGE THAT IS NOT APPROVED BY ALL. IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY LANGUAGE YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ THIS.

This one's for my sister. She has had a pretty bad rash all over for quite sometime now and it hasn't been fun. It's been itchy and doesn't look the best either. Today she found out what it is. It's called Psoriasis. I won't put a picture up, but if you want to search it you can. Basically it causes her body to make skin faster than it can get rid of it, apparently it's pretty common and doesn't show because of clothing that is able to cover it (obviously, it's clothes). However, even though no one can see it, that doesn't mean it's not there. It's something  that can be possibly be reduced by medications and things like that, but it's there for life.
Today I got to listen to my sister talk to me about the way it makes her feel, and, if you have already searched it, you can understand that it wouldn't be the greatest feeling in the world. But that doesn't matter in this case, because I know my sister. She doesn't take shit from anyone and she's not about to take it from some skin disease either. It doesn't matter how she looks because she is who she's always been. She's dealt with worse things and this won't be the last one either. It's just one more thing that is added to the list.
Everyone struggles with things. But it could be worse. In this case, Sarah had a biopsy done. It was being tested for cancer. It's not cancer. It's not worse. It won't kill her. It just looks gross.
For everyone struggling with something, always remember that IT COULD BE WORSE. Yes, I know that it is not always the case, some people are going through some pretty life changing things right now and my heart goes out to them too. But those aren't the kinds of things I'm talking about. I'm talking about the people that are struggling with school or a low paying job or being sick for a while or struggling with finances, things like that. It could be worse. You could not be able to afford school, or not have a job, or be in the hospital, or not have enough money to afford to eat.
Life is to short not to look on the bright side. This one is for my sister:
You are beautiful. It doesn't matter what's on your skin or what anyone else thinks of it. You know it doesn't look good and that no one else thinks it looks good either, but that doesn't matter. You are who you are. You are Sarah. You are my sister. You are strong and I know you can deal with this. Don't let anyone tell you it's ugly because guess what? It's on your body and your body is you and YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
End of story.

This picture is for my sister and for anyone else who thinks that one little thing makes them un-beautiful. Don't believe it.

Starting over

Congratations, you've made it to the year the world is (supposedly) going to end in. Now what? Well, as with every year, it's followed by a new one. 2012 is our new year. You can do what you please with it. You stay the same, keep hanging around with the same people doing the same things for who knows how long, OR, you could make a change and make a difference. Meet new people, try new things, change your life and the lives of others. I know, I know, this is nothing you haven't heard before, but wouldn't it be cool if this year you actually did something with this advice?
I have never really made an effort to make, or keep for that matter, any new years resolutions in my life, but this year I've made a few. Now some of you are going to read this and laugh or say I won't keep them, others may be inspired. To those that are in the first group, I have this to say to you:
Tell me I can't, and I'll be determined to prove you wrong.
These are my resolutions- I realize they are generic and that's fine, these aren't for anyone but myself.
1. Get fit. Now I'm aware that I'm already a small person both in height and in width, while I am aiming to shed a few pounds (believe it or not I have a few that could be donated to, oh, say Lindsay Lohan or Kate Middleton), I'm also aiming for more than that. While I don't hate the way I look underneath the clothes I wear, I don't particularly love it either. I want to be toned. You know those girls you see at the pool or the beach you wish you had but "don't have the time" to achieve? I'm making the time and, hipefully by summer, I'll be that girl with the body you're envying instead of envying it with you. Say hello to dedication and 6 am workouts baby!
2. No more soda. This isn't as hard as I anticipated. I'm giving it up to aide in the above goal, and, thanks to my sister, I've been doing pretty good. The goal is to drink at least 64 oz a day, I've been drinking well beyond that. My twin got me a 24 oz reusable plastic cup and it is put to incredible use! To put it in perspective, during my 6 hour shift at work today, I drank at least 6 full 24oz, adding the one I had before work and the two after work? I'd say I met my daily amount.
3. Get out more. I'm very busy with school and work, last year I barely had a social life at all! If someone wanted to find me all they had to do was follow my laptop cord to the studio and they'd find me working away. It didn't leave much time with friends. My goal is to find a happy balance with all 3 and do more things outside of watching a movie when I have a minute, life is to short not to enjoy it at least a little, right?
4. Meet new people. This ones self explanatory. Since high school I lost quite a few friends due to one or both parties not staying in touch,and that's fine since I've also gained a few, but one can never have to many.
5. Be positive. Generally I try to do this anyways, but sometimes it's hard, especially for me. I don't have the highest self esteem some days and I tend to tear myself down quite a bit, but how will I get anywhere if I can't see the good in me? 2012 is now my year to shine in someway somehow. Maybe not to anyone else, but definitely to myself.
6. Make a difference. I'm not sure when or how yet or if it will be for someone, but I will make a difference this year. Be it to a person, a community, or someoone/thing else, it's going to happen with a smile in my face for all to see.

Will you start over and do something worthwhile this year, or will you stay the same?
The choice is yours to make, better hurry, the world could be ending soon.

Somewhere else

Do you ever feel that way? Nothing else can explain how you feel or why you feel that way except that four letter word. Lost. You don't know exactly where you are or where you're going. That's kind of how I feel right now.
I'm in a really big part of my life and good things are happening for me, but I still feel lost. Like I don't quite fit in anywhere in this state, don't belong is more the term. I never felt I have belonged here, not with who I am, how I dress, the way I do things, or any of that. I always say "I'm to big for this place" and I fully believe that 110% plus some. Sometimes that's just how it is.
I don't dream of staying close to my parents or other family members, as much as I might love and care for them that's not my place. I dream of the city. Sirens blaring, people constantly moving, all of the commotion, taking the subway, looking down from a small apartment on to a place that doesn't ever stop moving. That's where I really want to be.
Sometimes, I think it's time I take a drive, take off the rear view mirror, and never look back.
That sounds pretty good right about now. Who's with me?

Forever in our hearts

That girl, right up there? That's my puppy doggy, Freckles. She might be 11 1/2 years old, but she will always be my puppy. Today is her last day here with our family, she has liver cancer and we would rather her not suffer anymore than she has to. It's the best thing for her, but that doesn't make it easy.
We have had her for just about as long as she's been alive, a little over half of my life. That is one basset hound that has never been hunting a day in her life, and if our house were to get robbed or broken into, she would just wag her tail and lick them to death. Anyone and everyone that came over was there to see her, no matter who they were, they were there for her. For the longest time after we got her, mine was the only bed that she would sleep on and the only room she would sleep in-which was fine with me since I'd always wanted that to happen, a dog to sleep at the foot of my bed.
If dogs could talk, I'm sure she would have the best stories to tell. I know I have some of her. She had a stomach of steel, and that's no exaggeration. Nothing made her sick, from chocolate (with the wrappers) to plastic humming bird feeders, if she could chew it she could eat it. She was always so playful too. My sister and I never told our parents this, but, when they were gone running errands or off to somewhere we didn't want to go, we would stay at home and rial that dog up until she was bouncing off the walls, then we would have her chase us around the house for a minute before running in my parents  room, jumping onto their bed, and hiding under the covers waiting for Freckles to come and jump up right after us and start gnawing on our feet through the blanket. I think that was probably the best thing we ever did when our parents were away.
She's older than in that picture above now. Her face has turned grey, she's gained weight and lost a lot of it in the past week. She was the best puppy doggy I could have ever asked for and, even though she drove dad nuts, she will be greatly missed in all of our hearts.

I love you puppy doggy, thank you for letting us be your family for 11 years, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I hope you enjoy your sunny spot in the back yard baby girl, you'll always be a puppy to me.

Constantly changing

Sometimes, people grow apart. It's not planned, it just happens. Friendships, relationships, siblings, families, it happens. It's not always the best thing to happen, but it does. And to be honest? It kind of sucks. I've lost many a good friend because of it. Relationships have fallen apart because of it-some for better and some not so much. I didn't plan on it to happen or necessarily want it to happen, it just did.
At some point or another, it will happen to all of us. We might not even realize it's happening but it is. Phone calls become shorter or less frequent, the texts become few and far between, and, eventually, we become a memory to each other. Somebody that we remember we had some good times with and not so good times with, but they were there, through everything. Then one day things change and life goes on, from time to time we think about each other and the way things were but things are just to different now. No longer part of each others every day lives, just a thought that comes and goes.
Next time you get that thought, think about it hard. Think about what you had and the laughs you shared, think about who was there when you were dealing with things they couldn't understand but they were there anyway. Take time to say hi to them no matter how long it's been.
To often things change. That's the way life is, constantly changing. Don't take what you have now for granted because in a short amount of time, those things and people you have could be gone.
Don't let them change to much without realizing it, or it might be to far and in between that you see or talk to someone that once meant a lot to you.

What to say

So recently I was told that I don't blog enough but that the said person loves reading my blog (if you're reading this you know who you are *wink*). I would love to blog more but sometimes nothing extraordinary happens or I just have one of those eh days. BUT, on occasion, I do have something to say, as those of you who have read my other posts well know.
However, who actually reads this thing? I mean really, all it started out as was something to do because I got bored and felt the need to say what was in my head. Weird right? It really was never meant to be anything more but it kind of turned out that way. Isn't if funny how things work like that? You never plan on something happening but then, WHAM! It does.
I heard a quote once and it goes a little something like this:
"When you have a plan, God laughs."
It's completely true. If you make a plan, say a 5 year plan, something will always change in that plan and you know you're just going to have to work whatever that something is into what you already have planned. That's why I don't have a plan. I have a general direction in what way I want to be going with my life, but I know that if I put that direction into a specified plan, it will change whether I want it to or not. That's just the way life is. 

I'm happy with where I'm at now. I attend one of the best college's and I've been accepted into one of the best ID programs in the nation. My friends are great, my relationship with my parents and siblings has grown, and I have people in my life I know I can count on. Did I plan on any of this? No. Because, if I had, I wouldn't be where I'm at. I wouldn't know who I know and I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing.
That's what I have to say.

Oh well, or what if?

Do one thing a day that scares you.
It's true, it is a very good concept to try. Almost everyone plays on the safe side so they don't get hurt, but where's the fun in that?
I was thinking about it the other day and I realized something. I have done a lot of stupid, scary, fun things in my life, and you know something? I don't regret a single one of them. I'm always up for new things to try, even if I'm not entirely sure I'd like it. Like sushi. I had sushi for the first time this summer. Why? Because I've always been grossed out by it and was positive I would never like it. Guess what? I am a major sushi fan.
I have that list of things I want to do in my life and I plan on doing all of them. Yes, some of them do scare me, but so what? I would rather have a story to tell than a thought to remind me what could have been. Isn't that why we have a life? To live it?
Our time here is limited. We might as well make the best of it. That's why I do crazy things, like dye my hair purple because I can. I wear what I want despite the looks I might get. Why can't I stand out when I'm not like anyone else anyway?
I'd rather have a life time of "oh well's" that come with a story than to think "what if" all the time and wonder how things could have been.
What would you rather have?

Work for it.

Sometimes it get's really frustrating for me, life. A lot of people I know have had a really easy life, you know the ones, great families, amazing friends, good grades, almost everything they want the ask for and they get. Sometimes it's not fair, but what they say is true. Life's not fair. I know that one first hand.
I was getting really frustrated these past couple of days because my computer is refusing to download a program I need for two of my classes and I can't do a single thing without it. I was talking to someone about it and it hit me.
I'm really lucky.
I may not have the picture perfect family or the millions of good friends or anything like that of which I won't go into all the details of. But I truly am lucky. Why? Because everything I do have I have worked for. I've worked my butt off to be where I am today and to be who I am today.
I am in one of the nationally ranked Interior Design programs at a university that sets the bar really high up for it's students in this program. Yet I made the cut. I worked my butt off since my junior year of high school when I realized it's what I want to do with my life. However, not everyone sees it the way I do.
People hear "Interior Design" and think "Oh, so you pick paint and fluff pillows."
Those people? They're wrong. It's so much more than that. There's rules you have to know so you can break them, there is so much knowledge that goes into the profession that no one realizes even though it really is in their daily lives. They don't realize how much time is put into projects, the stress some people go through, the sleepless nights to meet the deadlines, sometimes there is even tear shed. But guess what? To me? Every single second is worth it.
I'm happy with what I do every second I'm doing it, and I'm good at it, I'm not being conceited, I'm being honest. I wouldn't be where I am after I've worked so hard to turn around and say I suck. No way. I'm good at what I do and I'm confident in it.
Why?
Because I know I got me here. Not mommy or daddy. Me. Everything that has happened for me to be here I did. I got the grades, I did the projects, I put in the time. I got through everyone telling me I can't and that it won't go anywhere and that it was a mistake for me to choose this path. I got past all of the harsh words thrown at me meant to hurt me and to change my mind. How? By deciding nothing was going to stand in my way.
I know what it's like to work for what you want or you need. I know how great it feels to finally get to that place.
I feel bad for the people that get everything handed to them.
They'll never know this satisfaction and happiness like I do.

The little things

Life is to short to take things seriously.
Everyone always rushes through their days thinking, "I have to do this" or "I need to do that" or "There just isn't enough time". The problem with all of these statements is that there is no enjoyment in them. No one realizes all the little things that happen every day that can make your day.
I recently came across another blog, http://justlittlethings.net/, and it really made me realize how many little things I take for granted. I sat and read every single little thing posted on that blog and I laughed at many of them because they are so incredibly true, it simply took another person to point them out to me. If you get a chance I would recommend reading all of those little things that make you smile.
With all of the business and limited time we think we have in life, I have forgotten to enjoy my little things in my every days.
These are my little things of today, or rather yesterday (August 19):
1. Hitting every green light without anywhere important to go
2. Seeing friends that I haven't seen in a long time
3. The ability to call my sister whenever I need to or want to
4. Love, not the big one, the kind of love for best friends
5. Love, the big one
6. Getting hugs from siblings just because they missed you
7. Living where I do
8. Compliments on things that you think are ugly about yourself
9. Good morning texts

These are just the ones I could think of straight off the top of my head, but I'm sure if i thought hard enough I could think of many more.
Life is to short to take things seriously.
Enjoy your little things, you'll smile more.
That's a promise.

what makes me tick?

so i have these little things that some people might call "obsessions" that may be so, but i still love them all the same.

the first i already talked about in a previous post. Alice. that is just such a fantastic movie! that and the deeper meaning behind it is what i really love. Tim Burton did such a great job capturing each and every character and recreating the "return to wonderland" (aka underland), he and Johnny Depp are just so amazing together that words cannot explain it. while i do love ALL of Burton's movies, Alice in Wonderland has got to be my favorite of them all.

next is the ultimate sport of soccer. i have played on teams with my twin sister ever since we were 5 years old and it is the very best thing i have ever done. i tried basketball and softball as a kid but they were never the same thing. i also did the whole swim team in high school sophomore year via my parentals request, but, even though i kind of liked it and  probably would have stuck with it, that ended the first practice junior year when i injured my shoulder. nothing has ever given me the same rush as i get on the pitch though. i have always played right wing defense while my sister played left. coaches would tell us that we were their secret weapon because we would work so well together without saying a word to the other, it just happened. no other position is the same. on defense you get the responsibility of last attack and you have to be on your toes constantly to keep the pressure off the goal. there's such an adrenaline rush that i get knowing that and it makes me want to push and try harder. just don't make me mad on the field or you will most definitely regret it. that's a promise.

third comes music. there is always a song for everything. a broken heart, a wonderful day, and everything in between. you can't go wrong with any of it. well...maybe classical. i really can't stand  that stuff. but really, i don't know what i would do if i didn't have my zune. probably die.

i am also highly fascinated by design. i suppose that is a good thing considering the fact of i am majoring in Interior Design and Marketing at Utah State University. i absolutely love it! i was never planning on going into this field either, which just makes it all the better. it all started my junior year in high school when  i took Interior Design as an elective class because i thought it would be an 'easy A' (great movie by the way). i was wrong. it was not easy. it was challenging and inspiring and i absolutely fell in love with it. i am not a very conceited person, but i will admit to being good at what i do. i think that part of that comes from the fact that i love to do it so much, and if it is then so be it. i would rather do something i love than something i hate for the rest of my life and by George i am going to do it!

fifth, i am obsessed with vintage. i always say i was born in the wrong time era and i believe it sometimes. while i do love very contemporary things, vintage is still my favorite. there's just something in the simplicity of the times then that we don't have now. the style, the people, the cars, the fashion, the cities,  it all fascinates me and i just can't get enough of it! i am determined to, one day, own some type of vintage car (ideal would be a '65 mustang, but i'll take whatever i can get and drive it all the time). it will happen.

along with vintage is my FAVORITE so-called obsession. Marilyn Monroe. 

i. love. her. my apartment has gigantic, framed pictures of her all around it and i am not ashamed of that fact. some say she was a sex icon, and she was indeed, but it is NOT because of her actions. it was because of her image. society took what she looked like and made her into the icon everyone knew. i could go on and on about all of the facts i know from date/death (june 1 1926-august 5 1962) to her real name (Norma Jean) and why she changed it. i have been to her grave two times and you better believe i plan to visit her a lot more in LA. she was a great actress with inspiring words, and definitely not who everyone thought she was. i will forever look up to Ms Monroe for who she made herself despite what societal views were. she was and will always be great. say anything bad about her and you can talk to me, i will defend her. trust me.

we need these little "obsessions" in our lives, these are just my biggest ones. i have many more, these are just the biggest influences in my life. they will never leave me.

It's for you

I was talking to my momma today while I was home for a little while and our choice of topic made me realize this: Your life is yours. No one can tell you who you were, who you are, or who you'll be. No one can tell you what you will or will not do. No one can tell you that. No one except you. 

You make your decisions, you make your mood, everything in your life is up to you. Granted things happen for a reason, that's just how it is, things are planned before you know it. Try and alter that plan and God laughs. However, you choose your reaction towards what is thrown your way. You can be happy, sad, depressed, overjoyed, pretty much anything in the book, it's just up to you for which one you choose.

My life has not been an easy one, a few of you know that. I've had some pretty tough trials from day one-literally. Even though I don't remember a lot of the things from my life because they happened when I was little, I know the effects they have had on my life as of today. How do I take it? 

Positively.

It's made me stronger, happier, and a better person. Certain people left my life for good and I'm happy that they did because better people replaced them for good. And for that, I am grateful. 

I choose to be happy, no one chooses it for me. I look at the bright side of things, no one points them out.

My life is mine. Mine to live and mine to react to.

No one is going to tell me different.
I won't lose my muchness.

Four letter word

Liar.

It's really great to find out who you are. Seriously. You think that you know someone and that they aren't the type of person  to lie to you about something so simple, or blow you off with an excuse, then BOOM. It happens.
Really guys? I mean it takes less time to say "I don't want  to go"  or "That doesn't seem like my kind of thing" or "I don't want to feel out of place" (aka the truth) than it does to make up a lie about why you can't or might not be able to do something or go somewhere such as "I work and no one will switch me because of this and this and this reason". I promise it will save you breathing time too.
The other thing about liars? If you don't want someone to find out your real plans, don't put them out for said person to see. That's not even smart. Then you have to come up with some other lie about why you ended up doing something  else instead of the original thing you were asked to do in the first place.


Yes I am aware that this particular post might seem whiny or complanitory and what not, but this is my blog and i'll say what I like, if you don't like it, don't read it. 'Nuff said.

But really. 

Nobody likes a liar.

This one's for you Princess

Alexis Nicole Nelson
June 29, 2006 - June 18, 2006

"Mommy's girly girl, Daddy's car chick
She was the best of both worlds!"

Enjoy the small things in life because you don't really know what you've got until it's gone.

A year ago, my family and I learned to appreciate this statement and what it really means more than anyone could ever imagine. The little girl above is my cousin, she left this world last year to go and be with her Heavenly Father. 

She was such an amazing little girl, she had the privilege of doing things most 3 year olds would never even think of. She was able to be flower girl at her parents wedding, take vacations with her family, work on cars, have a best friend before she could talk, and wipe away the tears of those she loved because she didn't want them to be sad. She was a strong heart and a sweet spirit and laughed at everything she could daily. She taught us what it's like to truly love someone, no matter how big or how small you may be.
It's always harder when you don't know why someone left this world and even harder to wonder what they could have accomplished or why they were really here. That still stands true in this case, but with Lexi, some of us know why she was here. She came along at a time when her mommy and daddy really needed her, I guess you could say she "saved" them. I'm thankful to that little girl for coming into our lives when she did, but more so for when she came into their lives.

A year ago today, the cutest and sweetest princess I know left this world to be home in her kingdom. She taught those left on earth how to laugh at the little things, make silly faces, dress up, redo painted nails until you love them, and enjoy what you really have. I hope you're painting that kingdom pink little girl!

We love you and miss you Alexis Nicole, but we'll see you again, someday, in the clouds ♥

This was Lexi's favorite song that her aunt, Anna, my sister, Sarah, and I had the privilege of singing at her funeral together.

Take your shot

This song is the perfect description of my life.
I have a dream for myself, I know where I want to be. But sometimes, not everything works out as I plan it to, or at least not the way I want it to work out even if it still works somehow. There are trials and tribulations that I have to overcome and I know that they make me strong.
This song says "weighing down on me, but I'm a fighter" and that's what I am. Life can throw whatever it wants my way and I'll take it and deal with it as best I know how to get where I'm going. Nothing's holding me back. I've still got a shot, even if it's only a shot in the dark.

Places, things, and people

This life is short, make the most of it.

Here is my “bucket list” I made my senior year of high school as a Sociology assignment. Then I figured, what the heck, I made the list, might as well do it.

The highlight tells what I have accomplished already.

Enjoy.

1. Go to London
2. Climb to the top of the Eifel Tower
3. Swim in a flooded field
4. .Learn to snowboard
5. Go surfing in Hawaii
6. Try out for American Idol
7. Graduate design school
8. Design and build my own home
9. Meet someone famous (Dawn Wells-aka Maryanne from Gilligan’s Island)
10. Meet at least 5 famous music artists/bands (Katy Perry, One Republic, The Maine, Plain White T’s, HelloGoodbye, plus many more)
11. Go to Japan
12. Graduate College
13.  Get a 4.0 GPA two years straight
14. Learn to waterski
15. Learn to wakeboard
16. Backpack through Europe
17. Go to a World Cup game
18. Go to the Olympics (2002 Winter Olympics SLC, UT)
19. Finish the Pharmacy Technician program at the DATC
20. Adopt a child
21. Live in London at least a year
22. Ride on top of a double decker bus
23.  Drive a car in England
24. Ride the world’s tallest roller coaster (at the time: Top Thrill Dragster, Cedar Point, OH)
25. Go to Waldo, FL
26. Go to Gettysburg, PA
27. Own a 1965 blue Mustang
28. Own 20 pairs of Converse
29.  Design my own wedding dress
30. Visit 15 castles
31. Go to Disneyland
32. Swim with dolphins
33. Go scuba diving
34. Go to Disney World
35. Go to Hell and back (Hell, Michigan)
36. Go skydiving
37. Take a hot air balloon ride
38. Get a tattoo
39. Learn German
40. Go to Costa Rica
41. See the Northern Lights
42. Go to Stratford-Upon-Avon
43. See a famous person’s grave (Brian Jones)
44. Visit Bath, England
45. See Jane Austen’s house
46.  Visit Stonehenge
47. Discover the truth about JFK’s death (records to be released in 2017)
48. Go river rafting
49. Go to the shoe museum in Toronto, Canada
50. See a bear outside of the zoo
51. Visit the Tower of London
52. Go shopping in London
53. Go shopping in Paris
54. Go shopping in NYC
55. Go horseback riding
56. See Old Faithful
57.  Learn to fly an airplane
58. Fly across the ocean (England trip = 12hr flight)
59. Get a motorists license
60. Ride an elephant
61. Go to Angel Falls
62. Ride the world’s longest roller coaster
63. Ride the world’s fastest roller coaster (at the time: Top Thrill Dragster)
64. Go drag racing
65.  Spend an entire day at the beach
66. Eat a Big Judd (1lb hamburger with everything on it-Rexburg, ID)
67. Ride the New York, New York roller coaster
68. Go bungee jumping
69. Ride the Stratosphere roller coasters
70. Go cliff jumping
71. Run a marathon
72. Pass Chemistry (Junior year)
73. Have an all-day Disney Movie Marathon
74. Stay awake for 72 hours with no assistance (i.e. caffeine, sugar, etc.)
75. Break my left arm
76. Get in a bad car accident
77. Talk in a British accent for a day
78. Draw a mural in sidewalk chalk (Austin’s driveway)
79. Dye my hair pink
80. Dye my hair blue
81. Go sledding on something other than a sled (pizza pans, cookie sheets, a mattress)
82. Road trip coast to coast
83. Go to Fiji
84. Get in a fist fight
85. Go ice blocking
86. Learn to play guitar
87. Sing for a band
88. Be a little kid for a day
89. Spend a day in the life of a stranger
90. Career as an Interior Designer
91. Go swimming in a pond
92. Go fishing
93. Go mountain climbing
94. Go repelling
95. Pay for a pizza in pennies
96. Get a pet chinchilla
97. Design a room around gum wrappers
98. Own a vintage dress (1920’s swing dress)
99. Go to Rome
100. Pass the National Pharmacy Technician test
101. Accomplish this list before I die

45 down, 56 to go.

Wish me luck.

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