It's all in the cards

Life is a little bit like cards. Sometimes you're dealt a really good hand and you can keep it going for a while. Other times you have to fold almost instantly. It's a game. A game that you have to learn your way around to be able to make it through. Everyone is given a good hand, and to balance it out, they are also given a really crappy hand. But somehow, even if you have to fold once or twice, it is possible to make it through.

A good hand may be a promotion at work or getting a scholarship or something along those lines. A bad hand could be a death of someone you knew, not getting the job you were holding out for, or something harder. However, there is a hand I haven't mentioned yet.

An "okay" hand.

An "okay" hand can go one of two ways. You can either fold and give up, or you can make it work and end up on top when the odds could be against you. Every single person will be dealt way more "okay" hands in their life than they will be dealt good or bad hands. It's what they do with all of the "okay" hands that matter.

We are given trials to see how we will react to them, what kind of person they will make us. Sometimes it's just to hard and you have to fold, take a step back, and acquire a new strategy. Most of the time you don't. Being able to see the potential outcome in a difficult situation and devising a plan to get there is one step, making it happen is another. "Where there's a will there's a way" is completely true. You can do it, IF you want to. 

Here is one example of an "okay" hand:
At the age of 44 (and not a grey hair on his head) my dad got into a road bike accident that landed him not only in the hospital, but with a broken hip, surgery, 3 screws, and a very long time on crutches. The doctor told him to expect a long recovery, and boy did he expect that. He was worried he would never be able to bike like he did before the accident, that he couldn't keep up with everyone else on the road, and that he could never do his races again, a few of which came up right after the accident. But here's the best part of the story. At the age of 44, after a few very long months on crutches, he ditched them. My dad got on his bike yesterday morning with my sister following and road the slowest 8 miles he has ever ridden. Although it was slow, he did it, and that's the point. It won't be an over night recovery and he knows that, but getting back on that back and riding again was the first step in getting back to where he used to be, even if it's not quite the same as it was before. He's doing it because he wants to. He could have given up and said he was done riding for good, but he didn't, and I know he won't.

Think about the "okay" hand you are playing in your life right at this very moment. Now think of the possible outcomes. What's your next move? Do you want to give up and say you're done, or do you want to keep going like my dad? 

Just because you're not where you want to be now, doesn't mean you won't come out on top.

Starting over

Congratations, you've made it to the year the world is (supposedly) going to end in. Now what? Well, as with every year, it's followed by a new one. 2012 is our new year. You can do what you please with it. You stay the same, keep hanging around with the same people doing the same things for who knows how long, OR, you could make a change and make a difference. Meet new people, try new things, change your life and the lives of others. I know, I know, this is nothing you haven't heard before, but wouldn't it be cool if this year you actually did something with this advice?
I have never really made an effort to make, or keep for that matter, any new years resolutions in my life, but this year I've made a few. Now some of you are going to read this and laugh or say I won't keep them, others may be inspired. To those that are in the first group, I have this to say to you:
Tell me I can't, and I'll be determined to prove you wrong.
These are my resolutions- I realize they are generic and that's fine, these aren't for anyone but myself.
1. Get fit. Now I'm aware that I'm already a small person both in height and in width, while I am aiming to shed a few pounds (believe it or not I have a few that could be donated to, oh, say Lindsay Lohan or Kate Middleton), I'm also aiming for more than that. While I don't hate the way I look underneath the clothes I wear, I don't particularly love it either. I want to be toned. You know those girls you see at the pool or the beach you wish you had but "don't have the time" to achieve? I'm making the time and, hipefully by summer, I'll be that girl with the body you're envying instead of envying it with you. Say hello to dedication and 6 am workouts baby!
2. No more soda. This isn't as hard as I anticipated. I'm giving it up to aide in the above goal, and, thanks to my sister, I've been doing pretty good. The goal is to drink at least 64 oz a day, I've been drinking well beyond that. My twin got me a 24 oz reusable plastic cup and it is put to incredible use! To put it in perspective, during my 6 hour shift at work today, I drank at least 6 full 24oz, adding the one I had before work and the two after work? I'd say I met my daily amount.
3. Get out more. I'm very busy with school and work, last year I barely had a social life at all! If someone wanted to find me all they had to do was follow my laptop cord to the studio and they'd find me working away. It didn't leave much time with friends. My goal is to find a happy balance with all 3 and do more things outside of watching a movie when I have a minute, life is to short not to enjoy it at least a little, right?
4. Meet new people. This ones self explanatory. Since high school I lost quite a few friends due to one or both parties not staying in touch,and that's fine since I've also gained a few, but one can never have to many.
5. Be positive. Generally I try to do this anyways, but sometimes it's hard, especially for me. I don't have the highest self esteem some days and I tend to tear myself down quite a bit, but how will I get anywhere if I can't see the good in me? 2012 is now my year to shine in someway somehow. Maybe not to anyone else, but definitely to myself.
6. Make a difference. I'm not sure when or how yet or if it will be for someone, but I will make a difference this year. Be it to a person, a community, or someoone/thing else, it's going to happen with a smile in my face for all to see.

Will you start over and do something worthwhile this year, or will you stay the same?
The choice is yours to make, better hurry, the world could be ending soon.

Somewhere else

Do you ever feel that way? Nothing else can explain how you feel or why you feel that way except that four letter word. Lost. You don't know exactly where you are or where you're going. That's kind of how I feel right now.
I'm in a really big part of my life and good things are happening for me, but I still feel lost. Like I don't quite fit in anywhere in this state, don't belong is more the term. I never felt I have belonged here, not with who I am, how I dress, the way I do things, or any of that. I always say "I'm to big for this place" and I fully believe that 110% plus some. Sometimes that's just how it is.
I don't dream of staying close to my parents or other family members, as much as I might love and care for them that's not my place. I dream of the city. Sirens blaring, people constantly moving, all of the commotion, taking the subway, looking down from a small apartment on to a place that doesn't ever stop moving. That's where I really want to be.
Sometimes, I think it's time I take a drive, take off the rear view mirror, and never look back.
That sounds pretty good right about now. Who's with me?

Constantly changing

Sometimes, people grow apart. It's not planned, it just happens. Friendships, relationships, siblings, families, it happens. It's not always the best thing to happen, but it does. And to be honest? It kind of sucks. I've lost many a good friend because of it. Relationships have fallen apart because of it-some for better and some not so much. I didn't plan on it to happen or necessarily want it to happen, it just did.
At some point or another, it will happen to all of us. We might not even realize it's happening but it is. Phone calls become shorter or less frequent, the texts become few and far between, and, eventually, we become a memory to each other. Somebody that we remember we had some good times with and not so good times with, but they were there, through everything. Then one day things change and life goes on, from time to time we think about each other and the way things were but things are just to different now. No longer part of each others every day lives, just a thought that comes and goes.
Next time you get that thought, think about it hard. Think about what you had and the laughs you shared, think about who was there when you were dealing with things they couldn't understand but they were there anyway. Take time to say hi to them no matter how long it's been.
To often things change. That's the way life is, constantly changing. Don't take what you have now for granted because in a short amount of time, those things and people you have could be gone.
Don't let them change to much without realizing it, or it might be to far and in between that you see or talk to someone that once meant a lot to you.

Oh well, or what if?

Do one thing a day that scares you.
It's true, it is a very good concept to try. Almost everyone plays on the safe side so they don't get hurt, but where's the fun in that?
I was thinking about it the other day and I realized something. I have done a lot of stupid, scary, fun things in my life, and you know something? I don't regret a single one of them. I'm always up for new things to try, even if I'm not entirely sure I'd like it. Like sushi. I had sushi for the first time this summer. Why? Because I've always been grossed out by it and was positive I would never like it. Guess what? I am a major sushi fan.
I have that list of things I want to do in my life and I plan on doing all of them. Yes, some of them do scare me, but so what? I would rather have a story to tell than a thought to remind me what could have been. Isn't that why we have a life? To live it?
Our time here is limited. We might as well make the best of it. That's why I do crazy things, like dye my hair purple because I can. I wear what I want despite the looks I might get. Why can't I stand out when I'm not like anyone else anyway?
I'd rather have a life time of "oh well's" that come with a story than to think "what if" all the time and wonder how things could have been.
What would you rather have?

what makes me tick?

so i have these little things that some people might call "obsessions" that may be so, but i still love them all the same.

the first i already talked about in a previous post. Alice. that is just such a fantastic movie! that and the deeper meaning behind it is what i really love. Tim Burton did such a great job capturing each and every character and recreating the "return to wonderland" (aka underland), he and Johnny Depp are just so amazing together that words cannot explain it. while i do love ALL of Burton's movies, Alice in Wonderland has got to be my favorite of them all.

next is the ultimate sport of soccer. i have played on teams with my twin sister ever since we were 5 years old and it is the very best thing i have ever done. i tried basketball and softball as a kid but they were never the same thing. i also did the whole swim team in high school sophomore year via my parentals request, but, even though i kind of liked it and  probably would have stuck with it, that ended the first practice junior year when i injured my shoulder. nothing has ever given me the same rush as i get on the pitch though. i have always played right wing defense while my sister played left. coaches would tell us that we were their secret weapon because we would work so well together without saying a word to the other, it just happened. no other position is the same. on defense you get the responsibility of last attack and you have to be on your toes constantly to keep the pressure off the goal. there's such an adrenaline rush that i get knowing that and it makes me want to push and try harder. just don't make me mad on the field or you will most definitely regret it. that's a promise.

third comes music. there is always a song for everything. a broken heart, a wonderful day, and everything in between. you can't go wrong with any of it. well...maybe classical. i really can't stand  that stuff. but really, i don't know what i would do if i didn't have my zune. probably die.

i am also highly fascinated by design. i suppose that is a good thing considering the fact of i am majoring in Interior Design and Marketing at Utah State University. i absolutely love it! i was never planning on going into this field either, which just makes it all the better. it all started my junior year in high school when  i took Interior Design as an elective class because i thought it would be an 'easy A' (great movie by the way). i was wrong. it was not easy. it was challenging and inspiring and i absolutely fell in love with it. i am not a very conceited person, but i will admit to being good at what i do. i think that part of that comes from the fact that i love to do it so much, and if it is then so be it. i would rather do something i love than something i hate for the rest of my life and by George i am going to do it!

fifth, i am obsessed with vintage. i always say i was born in the wrong time era and i believe it sometimes. while i do love very contemporary things, vintage is still my favorite. there's just something in the simplicity of the times then that we don't have now. the style, the people, the cars, the fashion, the cities,  it all fascinates me and i just can't get enough of it! i am determined to, one day, own some type of vintage car (ideal would be a '65 mustang, but i'll take whatever i can get and drive it all the time). it will happen.

along with vintage is my FAVORITE so-called obsession. Marilyn Monroe. 

i. love. her. my apartment has gigantic, framed pictures of her all around it and i am not ashamed of that fact. some say she was a sex icon, and she was indeed, but it is NOT because of her actions. it was because of her image. society took what she looked like and made her into the icon everyone knew. i could go on and on about all of the facts i know from date/death (june 1 1926-august 5 1962) to her real name (Norma Jean) and why she changed it. i have been to her grave two times and you better believe i plan to visit her a lot more in LA. she was a great actress with inspiring words, and definitely not who everyone thought she was. i will forever look up to Ms Monroe for who she made herself despite what societal views were. she was and will always be great. say anything bad about her and you can talk to me, i will defend her. trust me.

we need these little "obsessions" in our lives, these are just my biggest ones. i have many more, these are just the biggest influences in my life. they will never leave me.

Wonderland

"Imagine a place where you can always escape to

An island off the coast of nowhere

A new destination of your own creation

Just waiting till you choose to go there"

These are the beginning lyrics to the song Welcome to Mystery by the Plain White T's off of their new album, Wonders of the Younger, and I think that it describes perfectly what Wonderland really is, to me anyway.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOA9CBQDCPk

You see, I don't remember my dreams. Sure, every once in a while I'll remember something I "dreamt" about for a minute or so but that's it. I can go for weeks, even months, at a time without remembering a single thing from that so-called "dream-land". That's why I always laugh when people tell me "Sweet dreams" or something of the sort when I go to bed. Their dreams may be sweet, or sometimes not so sweet, but mine? Mine are absent.

As some of you may, or may not, know, Alice in Wonderland is one of my slight obsessions. Why? Because things are not always as they seem in wonderland, such as in real life. People can be fake and lie to you or stab your back just when you trust them the most, however, in Wonderland, just as in a dream, YOU control what happens, or you think you can as Alice does.

You can dream up the unthinkable and do what might be considered impossible, but to you, it's possible and that's what matters.

One of my favorite quotes from this movie is said by Alice Kingsley and I find it to be very true.

"Time can be funny in dreams."

Anything can happen in a short amount of time, or a long amount. Think about it, do you really know where a dream starts, or how long it's been going for? The only real way to know when one ends is when you wake up from it.

As we grow older, we often forget to use that little thing some refer to as imagination, even though, when we were younger we were taught to use it all the time, and we did use it. From imaginary friends to make believe worlds, even a simple game of Cops and Robbers required a bit of imaginary belief. So why did we ever stop using it?

Wonderland is an amazing place full of amazing possibilities. It's just waiting for one to discover it.

Wonderland, is my dream land.

Here I am

Sometimes you just need to say things. A lot of us think the same things, but many of us are to afraid that everyone will judge us for what we have to say or what our opinions may be. That is not my case. I realize that not everyone has the same opinions and views. That's okay with me. But, I have a mouth, and I'm not afraid to use it.